The Meaning of Life ... to Me | 朋友，人與人，在一起

Language: English | 中文

Last week, when I was playing softball, I suddenly realized that I was able to control my emotions. Well, not just control, I can change it, you know, like if I want to become angry, I become angry, and my breathing and temperature change, too.

Then today, New Year’s Eve, I found that, in fact, by default, I have no emotions. I can feel happy or angry, as I want to, but most of the time, I feel nothing, like a pond with no ripples on it.

It’s kind of pathetic, like I have no real passions, like I am a guy that doesn’t feel any joy. I guess that’s why I like to make friends even though I enjoy being alone sometimes. People are unpredictable. People are dynamic, not static.

So, I really love being with friends so that I can listen to them, so that I can talk to them and I can feel happy with them. To me, this is the only thing that keeps me alive. Money, fame, achievements, history, theory, they only mean something to us, and will disappear, one day, with us. But people being together, we can do magic. This is the only thing that indelible.

上禮拜在打壘球的時候，發現到，我可以控制自己的情緒。譬如，想要生氣的話，可以變得很生氣；想要開心的話，可以變得很開心。就連我的呼吸跟體溫都會跟著一起起伏……有點怪怪的。

今天下午，在又一城逛的時候，我進一步地發現到，其實，大多數的時候，我是沒有情緒的。就像是一盤沒有波動的水一樣……我可以選擇變得生氣，可以選擇變得開心，但我也可以選擇變得什麼情緒都沒有……或者說，我是個沒有情緒的人。

不覺得這樣有點可悲嗎？就好像我是個沒有感覺、對生命失去熱情的人。不過，我想，這也是為什麼我那麼喜歡跟朋友在一起吧 (不是《20 世紀少年》的那個「朋友」喔)。因為，對我來說，跟朋友在一起，很多事情都變得不一樣了。你不會說，我要煩惱什麼什麼，因為，在這個當下，世界上實在是沒有什麼東西值得煩惱了；你不會去想那些瑣碎的事。

這聽起來就像是逃避現實。不過不是這樣的。我想，今年是我感到最沒有生命力的一年吧。唯一讓我活下來的，除了繁忙的功課讓我不得不去握住「生存」的這條線外，還有的就是，朋友吧。我很久以前就這樣覺得：名利、金錢、歷史，還有那些偉大的科學新發現，這些東西，總有一天，會跟著我們一起消失。你說科學不算嗎？嗯。科學這些「發現」，其實……它們不是一直都在那裡的嗎？我們今天發現它了，到了人類不再存在的那一天，有誰知道我們發現了什麼嗎？或許，再過個千萬年，又有其他生物，發現了這些科學原理，然後，再過個千萬年，又失去了，回歸到大自然去……

回到正題，名利、金錢、歷史、科學、成就，這些東西，對我來說，總有一天，都會消失的。有的消失得很快，像是名利、金錢，有的消失得比較慢，像是歷史、成就……對我來說，這些都是不重要的。人們每天為了這些東西煩惱、困擾；但有的時候，躺在床上，或者在朋友面前，你不是會覺得：這有什麼大不了的！你不會去在意那些東西，你只存在在這個當下……

所以，為什麼我那麼喜歡朋友？其實，我並不是因為不甘寂寞；我還蠻享受一個人的。不過，對我來說，人與人在一起，所創造出來的各種情緒，各種回憶，各種感覺，各個當下……這，才是有意義的東西……至少對我來說是如此，就好像存在在一個不存在的時空一樣，永恆存在，不可磨滅。

Last week, when I was playing softball, I suddenly realized that I was able to control my emotions. Well, not just control, I can change it, you know, like if I want to become angry, I become angry, and my breathing and temperature change, too.

Then today, New Year’s Eve, I found that, in fact, by default, I have no emotions. I can feel happy or angry, as I want to, but most of the time, I feel nothing, like a pond with no ripples on it.

It’s kind of pathetic, like I have no real passions, like I am a guy that doesn’t feel any joy. I guess that’s why I like to make friends even though I enjoy being alone sometimes. People are unpredictable. People are dynamic, not static.

So, I really love being with friends so that I can listen to them, so that I can talk to them and I can feel happy with them. To me, this is the only thing that keeps me alive. Money, fame, achievements, history, theory, they only mean something to us, and will disappear, one day, with us. But people being together, we can do magic. This is the only thing that indelible.