左手拿筷子的原因

前陣子想想，覺得是時候給自己用左手拿筷子，這行為，編一些理由了。以下小試小試：

1. 小時候右手被狗咬到，從此右手不能拿筷子，不得以就用左手了。
2. 因為右手構造奇特，拿鋼筷的時候會產生電流 (拿刀的時候倒不會)。小時候，記得有一次拿起鋼筷，發現手掌出現一陣刺痛，嚇得即從椅子上彈起來……自此產生了陰影，不敢用右手拿筷子。幸好左手碰到鋼筷時不會有什麼奇怪的事發生。
3. 小時候用右手拿筷子，長輩看到，都會用手上的筷子打我的右手，說這樣沒禮貌……因為怕痛，久了以後，就養成了用左手拿筷子的習慣。
4. 不要問。
5. 有一次晚上去吃火鍋，看到鍋裡的魚浮了起來，轉過頭來，看著我，然後「嘿嘿嘿」地發出笑聲……我嚇得差點閃尿，手也軟了……可奇怪的是，筷子居然沒有從我手掌掉落到桌上……相反地，筷子它……黏在我手上了！然後我感覺到筷子好像長出刺一樣，開始牢牢抓住我的右手，然後，然後……筷子長出頭來，咬了我的手掌一口……一陣刺痛後，我發現手掌開始逐漸地麻痺，我發現手掌開始逐漸地擺脫我的控制……它不再聽我使喚了！我不能控制自己的右手手掌了！它……變成綠色的僵屍了！這時候我嚇得從椅子跳起來，然後腦袋一片空白，我開始漫無目的地狂奔……在奔跑的過程中，右手對我說：「你逃不掉的了！我要把你吃掉！我要把你的身體逐步逐步地變成僵屍！你吃屎吧！哈哈哈哈哈哈！」然後，右手開始瘋狂地隨機咬我身體的各個部位……我的肩膀、我的腰、我的胸口、我的耳朵、我的頸……我感覺到視野越來越窄，光線越來越暗。我瘋狂地叫著，吼著。我瘋狂地跑，希望能擺脫一切……突然間，砰的一聲，我眼前一黑……幹，好痛，撞到東西了，媽的。由於撞擊力道太大，我倒在了地上，身體痛苦地扭動……我勉強地睜開雙眼，看到，原來剛撞到的是火車站前的燈柱。然後，在身體遭到右手無情地亂咬的同時，我看到車站的時鐘，上面的時間是凌晨四時四十四分四十四秒！驚！……然後，我醒來了，發現自己其實還在床上。剛發生的，只是一場惡夢……嚇得整個背都濕了。從此以後，我就不敢拿右手碰筷子。因此，我就只能用左手拿筷子了。
6. 有一次打壘球，不知道是撞到人了還著地時弄到了，回到本壘後，發現右手有點痛。一開始頗不在意，結果右手越來越痛，越來越腫……有好一段時間我都不能使用右手，也因此，習慣了用左手拿筷子了。
7. 上帝給了我們兩隻手。只用右手而不用左手拿筷子，就像不給女性投票一樣荒謬。
8. 上廁所例行公事時習慣用右手那個，為了衛生，所以就用左手吃飯了。只是跟某國人相反而已，沒什麼大不了的。
9. 前一陣子去打了流感疫苗。剛打的時候還好好的，回到家後覺得有點累，就去睡了。醒來後，發現右手有點麻痺，有點不聽使喚了。去醫院檢驗後，醫生說我右手手掌只剩 50% 的活動能力。我媽很生氣，問說：「怎麼會這樣，疫苗不是安全的嗎？為什麼要給我小孩子打這種有風險的東西？」醫生說：「這個，要等檢驗報告出來。」一連催了七天，醫院告訴我們，報告出來了。醫生說：「身體失去活動能力，跟施打疫苗是沒有直接關係的。打了疫苗後身體癱了，不過是剛好而已。這點院方是不會負責的。」可惡，我好想哭喔……自此，我的右手連筷子都拿不動。因為這樣，我就只能用左手拿筷子了。
10. 金柯拉，金柯拉。左手參了金柯拉，一手能當兩手耍。左手參了金柯拉，考試都拿一千八。

上面講述的理由，只有一個是真的。應該很好判斷吧。

So Nice are Hong Kong People | 超有禮貌的香港人

Language: English | 中文

I was running to the train this morning, and I hit a guy. Well, I didn't mean to bump into him, and I said sorry and "Are you alright?" and "Are you fine?" many many times.

Mom says that Hong Kong people are really rude. Sorry but I have to disagree. This guy that I hit this morning, just gave a perfect example of how polite and civilized a Hongkonger is.

Okay. After I hit him, his cell phone fell on the floor. I knew this was a pretty hard hit, probably the greatest one I had ever done on somebody. So, I said, "I'm sorry. Are you alright? I'm really sorry."

To reply, he asked how's my mother doing, literally: "I f_k your mother!" (我屌你老母！)

I felt sorry, but I had my dignity. Actually, I was surprised! I never realized that in fact Hong Kong people are that nice! So gentle, so civilized!

So, he went on, "F_k your mother. My phone, is it f_king broken?" (屌你老母，我個電話係唔係跌撚爆佐啊！)

Again, surprisingly, he asked about my mom. See, this was a strager I just hit, but, instead of barking, he constantly sent my mom some greetings. I was totally surprised, and not able to make any reply.

"I f_k your mother. F_k your mother." (我屌你老母啊。屌你老母啊！) Sitll the same, not finished yet, and with his eyes staring right into my eyes. One thing he should learn about is when to stop asking about someone or something too much and too frequently. Going too far is certainly not good.

He turned, finally, but after about half a meter, he turned back again, facing me, staring, and said, "F_k your mother." (屌你老母啊)

Now, his reaction didn't make me feel guilty at all. So kind. His words just made me feel I had done nothing wrong, and I knew that, actually, I DID NOTHING WRONG.

I hit him, yes, but not intentionally. I said sorry, I apologized, I asked whether I could help him, and I expressed it with my eyes, my reaction. I just stayed there. If he needed help, I would be glad.

But after his reaction, his words, his staring, I found that I stayed there not because I was guilty and waiting for my conviction. I remained still because I was sincere. I was defending the holyness of human being. And since I am human being, no other than what he is, I deserved no such treating. So, I stood there like a statue that represented the mercifulness, the holyness, and the reason of mankind. I stood, and thus I should not move. An I moved, I failed to protect the dignity of being human.

This moment, I was holy, so I felt. It was like every single human was backing me. I felt I was invincible, but at the same time, not conquering.

So, he stared, angrily. And with a few more greetings, finally, he turned. Justice gave me strength, and strength guided me to victory. This day, I am proud, proud of being a human, and proud of having defended humanity.

How gracious!

前幾天，早上，搭火車，在手扶電梯卡了半天後 一堆站在那邊卡位子然後看到火車要開了才在那邊跑的鳥人)，到了月臺了，看到火車，就衝啊。跑的時候，撞到一個男的。

我媽說，香港人很沒有文化，這，原諒我，實在無法同意。因為，我這才體會到香港人是多麼有禮貌的啊！

---

撞到那個人以後，我頻頻表示歉意，屢說：「對唔住 (對不起)」、「有冇事啊 (你還好吧？你沒事吧？)」

出呼我意料，那個人起來後，就接連問候我的媽媽。我想，哇靠，這是多麼樣的親切，多麼樣的友善的行為啊！拜託，我撞到他耶，而且那下撞得恰恰好，他手機 (那時應該是拿在手上) 掉到地上了！可是呢，這位＿不但沒有幹天幹地，還直接問候起我家母來……

「我屌你老母啊！」
(我糙你媽啊！)

你看，你看，還不止一次喔：

「我屌你老母！」
(我糙你媽！)

然後呢，他走向前去，彎下身，撿起手機：

「屌你老母，我個電話係唔係跌橪爆佐啊！」
(糙你媽的，我電話，幹是不是摔爆掉了！)

再一次，＿展現出他的親切。由於這太親近了，我有點不習慣，以至於，無法對＿做出任何回應。我就只能，維持我純真、無邪、友善的眼神，親切地、慈悲地看待＿。

---

「我屌你老母啊！屌你老母啊！」
(我糙你媽的！糙你媽啊！)

我想，有的時候，太親切，反而不好。這＿應該要學會的一點是，頻頻追問人家家人怎樣怎樣了，實在是，有點太超過了。這兒有一條線，你應該要看到的。

嗯，然後，過了一會兒了，他轉身了，終於，問候完了喔？喔，還沒，他又回過身了，而且還盯著我：

「屌你老母啊！」
(糙你媽啊！)

---

他的問候，使得我不但沒有感到罪過，反之，我發現到：我沒有錯。我撞到他了，是的。我道歉了，站在那邊，向他投射出致歉的眼神；如果他有什麼需要幫忙的話，我會很樂意的；況且，他手機也沒有 (彼娘的) 爆掉啊。

當然，我不是那麼無恥的人，我是在＿頻頻向我家母問候後，才體會到：「這，我並沒有犯錯」。＿有一點讓我覺得很無解是，你以為，透過不斷地咒罵，透過不斷的凶狠眼神、凶狠用詞，就能讓你處在比高的位子？就能讓你變得比較對？就能讓你可以繼續這樣不斷問候人家？

你繼續罵啊，你繼續盯啊。我知道我做錯了什麼，我知道我有什麼是沒有做錯的。在這條「線」內，我可以向你表示歉意；可是，過了這條「線」後，對不起，我是不會改變的：我不會感到抱歉，我也不會感到憤怒；為了一個＿動怒？對不起，我做不到，我辦不到。你是什麼？在那邊幹人家媽的就比較強大？對不起，你處在哪個位子，我很清楚。你繼續幹下去，你的「位置」仍舊不變。

---

可能是太難以置信了吧，這＿盯了我好幾次，幹人家媽的好幾回後，啞了。他露出難以置信的表情。我做什麼了嗎？我沒有，我沒有不爽，我沒有回嗆，我臉上的歉意消失了，但我的表情沒有顯出任何情緒。我很清楚地知道，我在哪個「位置」。在目前的這個「位置」，如果我沒有做錯的話，我不必表示出歉意，我不必表示出內疚；這只會讓這種＿以為：「我是對的」，然後繼續在那邊「糙你媽的」。

同樣地，我心裡不能出現波動。如果我跩起來了，這表示我的心情受到影響了。要是我心情受到影響，就等於失去了自己的「位置」；心理受到影響後，砲火回擊的話，這＿想必會不爽，然後，兩個人在那邊對幹，事情的結果必然不好。

所以，我唯一能回應他的是，保持我應該做的。我有做錯的話，我會道歉，就像剛開始時那樣。而現在，我沒有錯，沒有必要道歉，就不能給他那邊道歉。畢竟，做錯事情不道歉，跟沒做錯事情而一直道歉，都是有失事實準則的行為。

沒有什麼比事實掌握在手上更有力的了。這一刻，如同感覺到，背後有無窮的力量給我撐腰。這一刻，我知道事實的真相在哪裡。一直在那邊幹人家媽的，我想，我並不值得受到如此對待。然我的心情也沒有受到波動。我不知道為什麼我能夠感到這樣的不可征服、這樣的滿足、這樣的不動。可能是，就像之前所說的，我知道事實的真相在哪裡。當你知道以後，你就不會被影響到 (moved) 了。

---

事情的最後是這樣的，那＿就那邊盯，狠盯，盯好幾遍，然後，就走了。你盯啊，我要怕你嗎？我要顯得悲賤？我要調頭跑掉？我要顯得跩？你敢打我嗎？你要動手嗎？不，你不敢，你不能。因為，你是錯的，你心虛了。糙了人家媽的講了那麼多遍後，狠盯人家這麼久後，我有怎麼樣了嗎？你是爆掉幾根血管了呢？糙人家媽的就代表你是對的？對不起。真實賜予給我力量，力量助我堅持著真理。你繼續糙他媽的吧，我是不會受到影響的。

呵呵，我真慈悲。

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或許，香港回歸偉大的祖國後，變得更有文化了。香港，成為了禮儀之邦、文化古國的一份子，化身成現代、科學、文明的中華民族菁英，在世界各國人民的眼前，化身成中華民族偉大的五千年歷史文化的楷模。這是人民的表率！讓我們向這些優秀的香港同胞，致上無比的敬意！

I was running to the train this morning, and I hit a guy. Well, I didn't mean to bump into him, and I said sorry and "Are you alright?" and "Are you fine?" many many times.

Mom says that Hong Kong people are really rude. Sorry but I have to disagree. This guy that I hit this morning, just gave a perfect example of how polite and civilized a Hongkonger is.

Okay. After I hit him, his cell phone fell on the floor. I knew this was a pretty hard hit, probably the greatest one I had ever done on somebody. So, I said, "I'm sorry. Are you alright? I'm really sorry."

To reply, he asked how's my mother doing, literally: "I f_k your mother!" (我屌你老母！)

I felt sorry, but I had my dignity. Actually, I was surprised! I never realized that in fact Hong Kong people are that nice! So gentle, so civilized!

So, he went on, "F_k your mother. My phone, is it f_king broken?" (屌你老母，我個電話係唔係跌撚爆佐啊！)

Again, surprisingly, he asked about my mom. See, this was a strager I just hit, but, instead of barking, he constantly sent my mom some greetings. I was totally surprised, and not able to make any reply.

"I f_k your mother. F_k your mother." (我屌你老母啊。屌你老母啊！) Sitll the same, not finished yet, and with his eyes staring right into my eyes. One thing he should learn about is when to stop asking about someone or something too much and too frequently. Going too far is certainly not good.

He turned, finally, but after about half a meter, he turned back again, facing me, staring, and said, "F_k your mother." (屌你老母啊)

Now, his reaction didn't make me feel guilty at all. So kind. His words just made me feel I had done nothing wrong, and I knew that, actually, I DID NOTHING WRONG.

I hit him, yes, but not intentionally. I said sorry, I apologized, I asked whether I could help him, and I expressed it with my eyes, my reaction. I just stayed there. If he needed help, I would be glad.

But after his reaction, his words, his staring, I found that I stayed there not because I was guilty and waiting for my conviction. I remained still because I was sincere. I was defending the holyness of human being. And since I am human being, no other than what he is, I deserved no such treating. So, I stood there like a statue that represented the mercifulness, the holyness, and the reason of mankind. I stood, and thus I should not move. An I moved, I failed to protect the dignity of being human.

This moment, I was holy, so I felt. It was like every single human was backing me. I felt I was invincible, but at the same time, not conquering.

So, he stared, angrily. And with a few more greetings, finally, he turned. Justice gave me strength, and strength guided me to victory. This day, I am proud, proud of being a human, and proud of having defended humanity.

How gracious!